it’s facial reconstructions of prehistoric humans!!
like, look at this part-homo sapiens, part-neandertal man from well over 30,000 years ago:
doesn’t he just look like a dude you’d wanna hang out with? like he probably washes dishes in the kitchen with you, and has excellent weed
what a charming fellow. what stories he probably has to tell. i’d definitely go shoot the shit with him on Contemplation Rock after i’d finished my day’s work carving a bone flute for the autumn hunting ceremony, or whatever
people have been people ever since people first became people, i tell you what
they all had lives and histories and families and friends and dumb gossip and games they played and total bullshit in which they believed wholeheartedly
they all argued about the nature of the world, and of themselves
they all sang songs
they all drew pictures
they all buried their dead in graves, and they buried their dead in graves well before they did a lot of that other stuff. they buried their dead with flowers, with panther claws, with the bones of animals they’d killed, with the bones of family members who had died at the same time or earlier. they buried their dead with their arms folded across their chests
they fell in love
they took care of their old and their sick and their disabled, even when it cost them
they made new things, and worried about what the new things meant for people everywhere, as a whole
Oh I like him he looks like he would appreciate my jokes
I trust him v much
Your players are faced with an ancient Sumerian curse! However, since the early ancient Sumerian language was only used for recording tax debts, it turns out to actually be an ancient Sumerian bill.
and therefore they need to get hold of some ancient Sumerian coinage and bring it to the ruins of the ancient Sumerian tax office, because the Sumerians had a pleasingly direct way of preventing tax evasion, namely horrifying curses.
well I don’t have any coin but I have these copper ingots, lovely copper ingots, from a very reputable merchant, never heard a word said against him, very thorough with his paperwork, anyway they’re guaranteed pure copper and proper weight, so can I pay my tax with those?
I just want everyone to take a step back for a second and really think about how we’re using the most powerful knowledge tool in history to make jokes about a specific dude who lived almost 4000 years ago.
it’s fuckin wonderful, is what it is.
I love that Ea-Nasir is so famous 4000 years later that we can make jokes about him without mentioning his name
Colophon: a statement at the end of a book containing the scribe or owner’s name, date of completion, or bitching about how hard it is to write a book in the dark ages
- Oh, my hand
- The parchment is very hairy
- Thank God it will soon be dark
- St. Patrick of Armagh, deliver me from writing
- Now I’ve written the whole thing; for Christ’s sake give me a drink
- Oh d fuckin abbot
- Massive hangover
- Whoever translated these Gospels did a very poor job
- Cursed be the pesty cat that urinated over this book during the night
- If someone else would like such a handsome book, come and look me up in Paris, across from the Notre Dame cathedral
- I shall remember, O Christ, that I am writing of Thee, because I am wrecked today
- Do not reproach me concerning the letters, the ink is bad and the parchment scanty and the day is dark
- 11 golden letters, 8 shilling each; 700 letters with double shafts, 7 shilling for each hundred; and 35 quires of text, each 16 leaves, at 3 shilling each. For such an amount I won’t write again
- Here ends the second part of the title work of Brother Thomas Aquinas of the Dominican Order; very long, very verbose; and very tedious for the scribe; thank God, thank God, and again thank God
- If anyone take away this book, let him die the death, let him be fried in a pan; let the falling sickness and fever seize him; let him be broken on the wheel, and hanged. Amen
*sets entire english language on fire*
Thereby showing that the phenomenon that gave use gems like “PIN number” and “ATM machine” (also known as the self-demonstrating RAS syndrome, i.e. “redundant acronym syndrome syndrome”) is actually age-old :).
This is fantastic
in tibullus 1.8 (a poem about his boyfriend Marathus) has this line about “pugnantibus linguis” (literally battling tongues) which means that the idea of tongues battling for dominance in homoerotic fiction has been going on since at least the 1st century bce and i think that’s beautiful
somebody here pointed out that i did y’all a disservice, for which i apologize deeply. i did not point out to you that these battling tongues are also accompanied by umida oscula (wet kisses), which are given to the boyfriend as he anhelanti (pants), as well as in collo figere dente notas (making marks on his neck with teeth). so tibullus has been writing harlequin romance-level erotica since before the common era and that’s something i never thought i’d have to say in my life
Cicero sends greetings to Atticus.
I have nothing to write. I’ve heard nothing in the way of news, and I replied to all of your letters yesterday. But since melancholy not only robs me of sleep but also does not even let me endure staying awake without the greatest pain, I have begun to write to you something or other without any topic put forward in it, so that it’s like I’m speaking with you, the only way in which I find repose.