Pretty, pretty things
Blue and Brown Clothing
Silk Gown, circa 1740
Riding Coat, circa 1760
Men’s Coat, circa 1785
Dinner Dress, circa 1820
Day Dress, circa 1843
American Silk Dress, circa 1845-50
Silk Dress, circa 1869-72
French Cotton Dress, circa 1882
Afternoon Dress, circa 1888
Blue and Brown Accessories
Purse, circa 1680
Men’s Gloves, circa 1690-1710
Shoes, 18th Century
Fashion Doll, circa 1755
Hat, circa 1760
Parasol, circa 1850
Hat, circa 1885-90
Agate Pendant, circa 1880
Brown and blue are an odd couple. They aren’t exactly complimentary colors (like, say orange and blue or red and green) or even analogous (similar, like red and orange), but they go together quite nicely if done right. Since brown is a mixture of red and green tempered with either yellow or blue, brown can take on many many different moods, either warm or cool. Brown can be anything from golden tan to dark umber. Paired with…
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Here’s the thing that’s great about the Silmarillion:
If you don’t like something, you can always claim “unreliable narrator” or question “textual authenticity”.
According to Tolkien’s fictional historiography, The Hobbit, The Lord of the Rings, and The Silmarillion are all translations based on content found in “The Red Book of Westmarch.” Specifically, the Silmarillion is said to be based on “Translations for the Elvish” made by Bilbo Baggins while living at the house of Elrond in Rivendell.
The published version of the Silmarillion was edited by Christopher Tolkien …based on his father’s unpublished writings …which the elder Tolkien claims are based on a copy of the Thain’s Book curated at Great Smials by Pippin’s descendants …which is based on the original Thain’s Book annotated and updated by the scribes of King Elassar (Aragorn) in Gondor …which was copied from the original Red Book kept by Sam’s descendants at Westmarch …which contained Bilbo’s Translations from the Elvish …based on “books of lore” provided to him by Elrond and the elves of Rivendell.
You got that? The Silm is…
- …Christopher Tolkien’s edit
- …of J.R.R Tolkien’s translation
- …of Pippin’s copy
- …of Aragorn’s copy
- …of Sam’s copy
- …of Bilbo’s translation
- …of Elrond’s personal library
- …of songs and legends and histories about the First Age.
Even Professor Tolkien uses the conceit of unreliable narrators to explain discrepancies in the text. In the first edition of The Hobbit, Bilbo says that Gollum promised to give him The Ring if he wins their riddle contest, …which Tolkien later says is a total lie that Bilbo just put in there to make himself look better.
Look, I think it’s time we can all admit something:
The Silmarillion is totally biased in favor of Elrond’s family. If you read through Elrond’s family tree, the Silm makes all of his ancestors look like total bad-asses.
- Luthien and Beren steal a Silmaril from Morgoth’s crown.
- Tuor and Idril rescue the last survivors from the Fall of Gondolin
- Earendil and Elwing sail into the West and convince the gods to come to the rescue of the Elves and end the War.
So, like, maybe there were some people in Beleriand who thought the Half-Elven were freaks for their *cough* unusual intermarriages. But as far as Elrond and the Silm are concerned, the Half-Elves were the heroes who saved the freaking day.
So, reinterpret the Silmarillion however you want. Professor Tolkien would probably even get a kick out of it. As a philologist, he was all about how languages and stories shift and morph over time based on the migrations and changing attitudes of their people.
okay everyone but consider: glorfindel comes on the quest of erebor!au
- “I HAVEN’T SEEN DWARVES IN AGES” “glorfindel pls calm down” “OH MY GOD LOOK AT THIS ONE? HE LOOKS JUST LIKE DURIN IV????” “yes glorfindel that’s great but the rest of us don’t bother to learn dwarf family trees so we have no idea who you are talking about. also that one is snarling maybe you should put him down????”
- glorfindel training bilbo how to fight
- thorin being like “we cannot take *unexperienced* warriors on this quest” “i killed a balrog” “wait WHAT”
- fili and kili and practically all the dwarves hero-worshipping him
- glorfindel and bilbo talking in sindarin
- “so you’ve actually killed dragons?” “nah man that’s thranduil i heard he killed like 27 in the war of the wrath” “WHAT”
- okay but glorfindel showing up in mirkwood and is chatting up all the elves when they (almost) get captured
- legolas is fanboying. a little. okay a lot.
- glorfindel and thranduil chatting it up while the dwarves are like “eXCUSE ME WE ARE IN CHAINS”
- glorfindel hiding in a barrel as they go into laketown (somebody draw this please)
- glorfindel telling the bardlings stories
- “we should pour gold on the dragon” “no that’s a stupid fuckign idea bro. let’s shoot it” “well alright then”
i’m sorry to say that putting glorfindel in a barrel will probably end up like this
ok but that makes it even better
This is both delightfully absurd, and really fun. I would read it in a heartbeat.
Been out of high school for like six years.
3 years now.
A month and a half.
A LITTLE OVER A MONTH.
AND WHAT A GLORIOUS THIRTEEN YEARS IT IS.
(Shit, does that mean I missed my ten-year reunion? This is what I get for never logging in to Facebook.)
Class of 2008, thank you gods, I do not want to repeat that experience.
Class of 2001.